| Author: | Cristian Butnariu | ISBN: | 1230001005196 |
| Publisher: | Cristian Butnariu | Publication: | March 23, 2016 |
| Imprint: | Language: | English |
| Author: | Cristian Butnariu |
| ISBN: | 1230001005196 |
| Publisher: | Cristian Butnariu |
| Publication: | March 23, 2016 |
| Imprint: | |
| Language: | English |
Secrets of a perfect relationship
Having the perfect relationship means not having a perfect relationship. Let me elaborate, if you have a relationship in which you agree with your partner 80% of the time while 20% of the time you never agree; that is perfect. If you are trying to agree with your partner 100% of the time then you are looking/asking for disaster and most likely that relationship is not going to last.
In my own life and experience, I have never met a couple that never had a fight or that was 100% the same; same opinions, desires and wants, etc. No relationship is perfect, that is what makes it interesting. All the happy couples, that I know, always had some minor disagreements. They just stopped worrying about the unimportant things for their relationship
Look at it this way, your partner should have the same interests as you but should also have their own personality, which is why you want to be with that person. In saying that, there will always be something you won’t agree on, so you avoid talking about it or agree to disagree.
You may want to have a partner that is an exact copy of you, your interests, desires, wants and personality but then what? You will be with another you? That sounds a bit like you have an ego problem.
Relationships are about tolerance, trust, truth, adapting, ability to change, growing and integrity. If you don’t have these values, you will have big problems trying to find your ideal partner. Also for a perfect relationship, you need to invest time and a bit of effort, but it all comes back to you, ten folds. And then you will not be worried.
The problem in looking for perfect relationships lies in wanting them fast, expecting your partner to read your mind, or the other way around, not willing to adapt, being stuck in your own ways, expecting miracles (which is not possible if you don’t put in effort); Not communicating, waiting on the right moment, not being sure what you want, or who you want, being emotionally immature, running away from problems – conversations, being afraid to express emotions, just to mention a few.
There is another thing that I have found extremely helpful that my dad taught me. When I was with a girl, I had some problems, as you can imagine, and my dad asked me “Damir, who is first in your relationship, you or her?” I said “It is her, of course.” My dad replied, “Wrong, it is you!” I did not understand I said that is very selfish, I don’t agree with that, I should make my partner happy and so on. Then he said: “How can she be happy if you are not happy? “ I just could not stop thinking about it. It took me awhile to get it but I got it.
The point is, in the end, deep down in your mind, if you are not happy, with your partner and relationship, then you should not be with that person. If you are trying to make him/her happy all the time, and forgetting about yourself at the same time, you will lose your personality and your partner will leave you. Why? Because you will not be you, any more, you will lose touch with yourself. You will be someone who is just trying to satisfy your partner’s every wish and that will become boring for you and your partner.
The problem here is that you may see your partner as an ‘aggressor’ and you as a ‘victim’. But in reality, you are the one who is allowing all this show. Get it? How can you stop worrying if your partner is happy when you are not?
I am not saying that it should always be your way and that each and every moment you have to be super happy, but if you really don’t feel the love after you have given everything you have got in that relationship, then you should not be in one.
These are some ways to make your relationship perfect:
Secrets of a perfect relationship
Having the perfect relationship means not having a perfect relationship. Let me elaborate, if you have a relationship in which you agree with your partner 80% of the time while 20% of the time you never agree; that is perfect. If you are trying to agree with your partner 100% of the time then you are looking/asking for disaster and most likely that relationship is not going to last.
In my own life and experience, I have never met a couple that never had a fight or that was 100% the same; same opinions, desires and wants, etc. No relationship is perfect, that is what makes it interesting. All the happy couples, that I know, always had some minor disagreements. They just stopped worrying about the unimportant things for their relationship
Look at it this way, your partner should have the same interests as you but should also have their own personality, which is why you want to be with that person. In saying that, there will always be something you won’t agree on, so you avoid talking about it or agree to disagree.
You may want to have a partner that is an exact copy of you, your interests, desires, wants and personality but then what? You will be with another you? That sounds a bit like you have an ego problem.
Relationships are about tolerance, trust, truth, adapting, ability to change, growing and integrity. If you don’t have these values, you will have big problems trying to find your ideal partner. Also for a perfect relationship, you need to invest time and a bit of effort, but it all comes back to you, ten folds. And then you will not be worried.
The problem in looking for perfect relationships lies in wanting them fast, expecting your partner to read your mind, or the other way around, not willing to adapt, being stuck in your own ways, expecting miracles (which is not possible if you don’t put in effort); Not communicating, waiting on the right moment, not being sure what you want, or who you want, being emotionally immature, running away from problems – conversations, being afraid to express emotions, just to mention a few.
There is another thing that I have found extremely helpful that my dad taught me. When I was with a girl, I had some problems, as you can imagine, and my dad asked me “Damir, who is first in your relationship, you or her?” I said “It is her, of course.” My dad replied, “Wrong, it is you!” I did not understand I said that is very selfish, I don’t agree with that, I should make my partner happy and so on. Then he said: “How can she be happy if you are not happy? “ I just could not stop thinking about it. It took me awhile to get it but I got it.
The point is, in the end, deep down in your mind, if you are not happy, with your partner and relationship, then you should not be with that person. If you are trying to make him/her happy all the time, and forgetting about yourself at the same time, you will lose your personality and your partner will leave you. Why? Because you will not be you, any more, you will lose touch with yourself. You will be someone who is just trying to satisfy your partner’s every wish and that will become boring for you and your partner.
The problem here is that you may see your partner as an ‘aggressor’ and you as a ‘victim’. But in reality, you are the one who is allowing all this show. Get it? How can you stop worrying if your partner is happy when you are not?
I am not saying that it should always be your way and that each and every moment you have to be super happy, but if you really don’t feel the love after you have given everything you have got in that relationship, then you should not be in one.
These are some ways to make your relationship perfect: