Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)
Nonfiction, Reference & Language, Language Arts, Writing & Publishing, Authorship, Entertainment, Humour & Comedy, General Humour
| Author: | Aprill Brandon | ISBN: | 9781301496365 |
| Publisher: | Aprill Brandon | Publication: | May 28, 2013 |
| Imprint: | Smashwords Edition | Language: | English |
| Author: | Aprill Brandon |
| ISBN: | 9781301496365 |
| Publisher: | Aprill Brandon |
| Publication: | May 28, 2013 |
| Imprint: | Smashwords Edition |
| Language: | English |
As a humor columnist for over a decade, Aprill Brandon has been documenting her transition to adulthood, from college to the Dirty 30 and beyond, in newspapers and media websites around the country. This book, based on her award-winning columns, has everything young people, the young at heart and fans of horrible stick figure art will ever need to know about putting on a convincing grown-up act. Information such as:
Advice on insurance: "You pay thousands of dollars each year to insurance companies to 'insure' you should the unthinkable happen. And then when the unthinkable does happen, they take all those thousands of dollars you paid over all those years and swiftly deny your claim to it. And then when you die, you get a letter in the After Life from your insurance company informing you that your death was a pre-existing condition."
Advice on dating: "Dating sucks. The end."
Advice on pet ownership: "Are you currently sentimentally attached to any of the following: Your shoes, the majority of your furniture, the carpet, small to mid-sized expensive electronic devices, peace and quiet, throw pillows that have not been sexually traumatized or living a life where there is never a danger of stepping in urine in your socks? If not, then you are ready for a pet, my friend."
Advice on cooking: "You're an adult! You can eat whatever you want! Doritos drenched in chocolate! Twinkies stuffed with bacon! Burrito and tequila smoothies!"
But don't take our word for it. The reviews speak for themselves:
"This is the greatest book ever written ever. I'm so proud of you, honey! Also, are you eating enough? You look skinny in your author photo." --Aprill's mom
"Holy crap, you wrote a book? I thought you were just playing Candy Crush on the computer." --Aprill's husband
"Who the hell is this? I told you to stop calling here." --Whoever answers the phone at the New York Times Book Review
"...*fart*..." --Aprill's dog
As a humor columnist for over a decade, Aprill Brandon has been documenting her transition to adulthood, from college to the Dirty 30 and beyond, in newspapers and media websites around the country. This book, based on her award-winning columns, has everything young people, the young at heart and fans of horrible stick figure art will ever need to know about putting on a convincing grown-up act. Information such as:
Advice on insurance: "You pay thousands of dollars each year to insurance companies to 'insure' you should the unthinkable happen. And then when the unthinkable does happen, they take all those thousands of dollars you paid over all those years and swiftly deny your claim to it. And then when you die, you get a letter in the After Life from your insurance company informing you that your death was a pre-existing condition."
Advice on dating: "Dating sucks. The end."
Advice on pet ownership: "Are you currently sentimentally attached to any of the following: Your shoes, the majority of your furniture, the carpet, small to mid-sized expensive electronic devices, peace and quiet, throw pillows that have not been sexually traumatized or living a life where there is never a danger of stepping in urine in your socks? If not, then you are ready for a pet, my friend."
Advice on cooking: "You're an adult! You can eat whatever you want! Doritos drenched in chocolate! Twinkies stuffed with bacon! Burrito and tequila smoothies!"
But don't take our word for it. The reviews speak for themselves:
"This is the greatest book ever written ever. I'm so proud of you, honey! Also, are you eating enough? You look skinny in your author photo." --Aprill's mom
"Holy crap, you wrote a book? I thought you were just playing Candy Crush on the computer." --Aprill's husband
"Who the hell is this? I told you to stop calling here." --Whoever answers the phone at the New York Times Book Review
"...*fart*..." --Aprill's dog
