Ashley: 2147 books

Nev and Max help some dude named Retchen finally meet in person the woman he's been engaged in an online relationship with for three years. Will she turn out to be fat as f*çk? Probably.

Frances, black, is depressed. Or maybe she just hates everything and everyone. Is that the same thing as depression, or does she just have a bad attitude? Either way, everyone better die immediately.

It took Diana three months to get the ring. Three months of gagging on a sticky dick that has grits on it sometimes. Whatever, he'd been paying all her bills and buying her Taco Bell literally every day since they met, so it was a small, very disgusting price to pay.

Reggie pushed up to the ATM to check his balance, "It's annoying how you can't withdraw like fifty cents from ATMs.." he said, examining his $.56 account balance. "Shouldn't've bought that horse sex swing."

"Why do companies always put these racing stripes on the sides of athletic pants and leggings? I'm not wearing these sh*ts to exercise, I want to wear them on a regular, everyday basis like normal clothes. I want, for people at least five feet away, to mistake these as dress pants. What the...

A man who contracted the HIV/AIDS virus from a horse goes on a road trip with his two best guy friends to confront the horse, and ask him wtf. 

A  journalist interviews Bradley Cooper for his latest role playing Meryl Streep in the biopic of her life.

Why did Solange kick Jay-Z's behind on that elevator? ALSO, how come Rose's big butt didn't move over and make room on that door so that Jack could live? What is wrong with people?

Francine was not excited about starting seventh grade. It was just going to be like sixth grade, except this year they were starting Algebra, and in History they were finally going to address the Louisiana Purchase. 

RuPaul's Drag Race season 10, Nice For What, Toni Braxton's new ep, and Amina & Adam

Rosa links up with some no hairline having brown pants wearing dude named Martin who wants her to do something about protesting or some such On her way to do a protest or some such, Rosa is accosted by one of them sloppy-bodied bus driver dudes. He tell her to get up and Rosa is like "Nah". 

Black people go into space. Some Asians, too. All the white people get killed first.

2/4/98 Went to Burger King to order some fries. Fries don't have sugar, right? Do they I don't know. The REGISTER BITCH was BLOWING HER NOSE! Wanted to stab her!! Had no knife. Wouldn't do anything if I did anyway, just had the feeling. Didn't know how to unfeel the feeling, until I got the...

Harriet Tubman comes through to free the slaves on the Arnold plantation but they're not really feeling it. Like, where they supposed to go after they get free? To Disney World? Like, come on now.