New Jokes for Stand-up Comedians 2012
Nonfiction, Entertainment, Theatre, Comedy, Humour & Comedy, Performing Arts
| Author: | Marcus Lindley | ISBN: | 1230000207116 |
| Publisher: | Vindo Books | Publication: | January 4, 2014 |
| Imprint: | Language: | English |
| Author: | Marcus Lindley |
| ISBN: | 1230000207116 |
| Publisher: | Vindo Books |
| Publication: | January 4, 2014 |
| Imprint: | |
| Language: | English |
A book full of jokes ideal for customizing to whatever comedy, from professional standups to those whose friends will think they're incredibly funny thanks to these quick firing jokes.
A few examples:
- I'm releasing my autobiography this year. But to sell more units I'm going to call it "Harry Potter and the DaVinci book of Sudoku in 50 Shades".
- My wife is going to leave me in four weeks because my psychic abilities frighten her.
- I'm the type of guy who stops a microwave at one second, just to feel like a bomb disposal expert.
- A friend of mine called me posh. Needless to say, I had the butler show him to the door.
- Last winter I noticed our elderly neighbor had crafted a very realistic snow sculpture of a woman lying on her driveway. It wasn't there the next day though.
- So I found out last night when a bouncer asks you, "How much have had you had to drink tonight?" "Not enough to take you home," is not a good response.
- I've been teaching my dog to dance, he's useless. He's has two left feet.
- I've just finished writing a 500 page novel using invisible ink. Unfortunately, I didn't realize my pen ran out after the second page.
- Churchill had the V for victory sign Hitler had the Nazi salute. And we all know scissors beats paper.
- I bought my son batteries for his birthday and wrote on the side "Toys not included".
- You know, today someone complimented me on my driving. They left a little note on my windscreen which said 'parking fine'. That was nice.
- When I was young, I told my father I'm tired of running around in circles. So he nailed my other foot to the floor.
- Never hit a man with glasses. Use a baseball bat.
A book full of jokes ideal for customizing to whatever comedy, from professional standups to those whose friends will think they're incredibly funny thanks to these quick firing jokes.
A few examples:
- I'm releasing my autobiography this year. But to sell more units I'm going to call it "Harry Potter and the DaVinci book of Sudoku in 50 Shades".
- My wife is going to leave me in four weeks because my psychic abilities frighten her.
- I'm the type of guy who stops a microwave at one second, just to feel like a bomb disposal expert.
- A friend of mine called me posh. Needless to say, I had the butler show him to the door.
- Last winter I noticed our elderly neighbor had crafted a very realistic snow sculpture of a woman lying on her driveway. It wasn't there the next day though.
- So I found out last night when a bouncer asks you, "How much have had you had to drink tonight?" "Not enough to take you home," is not a good response.
- I've been teaching my dog to dance, he's useless. He's has two left feet.
- I've just finished writing a 500 page novel using invisible ink. Unfortunately, I didn't realize my pen ran out after the second page.
- Churchill had the V for victory sign Hitler had the Nazi salute. And we all know scissors beats paper.
- I bought my son batteries for his birthday and wrote on the side "Toys not included".
- You know, today someone complimented me on my driving. They left a little note on my windscreen which said 'parking fine'. That was nice.
- When I was young, I told my father I'm tired of running around in circles. So he nailed my other foot to the floor.
- Never hit a man with glasses. Use a baseball bat.
